|
i don't suffer from insanity... i enjoy every minute of it... | |||
|
Tuesday, November 05, 2002 argh.. dilema... i stil haven't figured out how to spell that... but yeah... i have cell group this week.. and i don't wanna go.... not cuz of chris.. things are okie with him.. but this week we're doing testimonials... like we HAFTA.. no choice... and i dunno what to say... and i don't wanna hafta do it in front of everyone... i don't like how they're forcing us to do it... and i dunno.. lately i've been wondering a LOT... about why i believe.. i don't even KNOW if i really do.. or if i just say i'm Christian cuz it seems so natural... i dunno... like going to church.. and ccf.. and cell group and all that.. i just go cuz... i dunno really... cuz thats what everyone expects me to do? i don't feel anything when i go.. i don't feel anything when i'm singing.. half the time i'm not singing anywayz.. and i like the songs cuz they sound pretty or whatever... but they don't have any MEANING for me... like everything for me.. the sermons... Bible studies... anything.. it just goes in one ear and out the other... i don't hear anything thats going on.. i say the things that people expect me to say.. but i don't feel like anythings happening with me... i dunno how to explain... i dunno.. i dunno anything anymore... this is all so confusing.. i don't even know whats going on with me... i just feel like i'm drifting.. and going nowhere fast.... 0_o ( 1:31 AM ) ~ punchyfruit ~ |
|
||
